Seeing the signs

It was a little over a year ago. I was feeling like I didn't quite have it all together...but I felt like I was trying really hard....and yet most days I simply felt like (to quote my sister Kim) "the meanest mama", not just mama, but wife, friend, co-worker....you name it. I was in a constant state of snappiness, and my tolerance level had fallen to the floor. To me it felt like I had round-the-month PMS, magnified by about 1000...but what was worse it probably left my kids feeling a little scared of mom yelling at them (again), or bored because I wasn't quite patient enough to entertain them as they wished.

So I talked to some friends, talked to my mom...and I realized that I wasn't the first person to feel this way. That was refreshing, I am not alone. I even went as far to google things such as "pms rage", because on the normal days I felt like I had terrible PMS...so on the days that I actually was experiencing PMS "rage" almost fit the bill for how I would feel inside. My initial research left me a little flat. I really wasn't thinking I had some major dysfunction I was simply looking for a clue, a reason, the key to my unusual behavior.

I found it, and I knew it right away.

At this point I was a working mom to 6, 4 & 3 year old children, life was hectic, but I was up for the challenge. With my days of nursing and being pregnant behind me I turned to an old friend that helped me function and get it all done....



Coffee.

Did I disappoint you? Were you expecting me to divulge some secret heroin addiction? Maybe a secret bottle of vodka in the bathroom drawer? Sorry, I'm really not that "wild" coffee is about as crazy as I get.

But yea, coffee...well the caffeine it contained, really. All the web sites I perused mentioned that caffeine can amplify PMS symptoms. I didn't drink that much coffee, but I had it every day. Then add in at least one Pepsi in the afternoon for a quick pick-me-up and apparently I had way more caffeine and sugar than I needed.

Thankfully for me, It was easy for me to modify my caffeine intake. At this point I was willing to give anything a shot to prove that I'm not just mean. I had no intention of quitting cold turkey and giving up caffeine forever, I simply wanted to not rely on it quite so much and see if it was really affecting my mood. I immediately changed my morning habit at the local On-The-Run store...rather than filling up my XL coffee cup with pure caffeinated goodness, I cut back to only 1/2 the caffeinated goodness and supplemented the rest with the decaffeinated.

It didn't take long for my mood to lift. Naturally there was an initial increase in grumpiness, but it wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. After all, I was still having my coffee and some caffeine.

Fast forward - it's been over a year, and it has been a GREAT year. My patience returned, my moodiness gone (for the most part) and overall I have not felt like I have PMS round the clock. Gradually I moved back to fully caffeinated coffee or tea, but only one mug and I am making it at home to save some money.

So what is the point of this long winded story about coffee and PMS? It's spring, and in my world this = busy. For the construction industry April can be one of the most hectic months this one has been no exception. My days start verrrrry early and tend to fly by because there just isn't a moments rest. So lately I have been filling my XL coffee mug at home (to enjoy at work), but would ALSO have a mug of coffee on the way to work...my commute is four miles.

And I've noticed something.

Snappiness and lack of patience is creeping back into my everyday life. I clearly see the signs of caffeine overload.

Hallelujah.

I am not crazy or dysfunctional, I am not a rotten mother, terrible wife and friend. I am simply just a person that needs to monitor my caffeine intake. That one extra cup, on almost a daily basis in April, triggered those old feelings again. This is okay, because I see the signs and know how to fix me. I know how to find my patience and bring back my tolerance.

So I'm leaving the commuter cup at home, and am back on the tea bandwagon. I'm starting to feel better already.